Topless Tahiti


Majestic volcanic mountains with low coral rings, emerald blue lagoons, crystal clear bays, lush tropical vegetation surrounded by towering waterfalls, green fertile valleys, and mesmerizing white powdered sand beaches...yes, French-Polynesia has it all.

This postcard dreamland consists of five great archipelagos, but we will explore only the most popular, the Society Islands and their most exotic well-known spots: the islands of Tahiti and Moorea. Here we find true paradise and investigate the rumors of the world's most beautiful beaches... abounding with half-naked women (at least that is what Captain Cook reported!).

These two majestic islands, under the influence of the French, are dominated by the island of Tahiti and its central city and capital is Papeete. Here is where your international flight will land and where you will need to recover from your seven and half hour flight from Los Angeles. The abundance of basic to deluxe accommodations in the capital makes this the perfect place to begin your trip.

Papeete (which means "water basket") is the largest city in Polynesia and the political, cultural, economic, and communications center for the Windward Islands. It can be noisy, smelly (from the motor cycle fumes), and congested, but Papeete has the most popular entertainment areas of all the islands. One reason is the French soldiers are stationed here and so here is where you'll find the night life.

Across the bay you can see the towering, mysterious looking island of Moorea, which is Tahiti's sister island --11 miles across the Sea of Moon. Moorea has fewer people and a much slower pace of life than Tahiti. It has been likened to James Michener's island of Bali Hai. The awesome volcanic peaks of Moorea reflected in the glimmering lagoon waters of Cooks Bay are probably the most dramatic sight in all the South Pacific. The mountain slopes and valleys are lush tropical gardens gone wild, ripe with pineapple plantations, coconut palms, and every imaginable form of fruit "free" for the taking. The multi-colored lagoon is surrounded by off-shore motu islets and is protected by a ring of coral -- what a sight!

And ah, yes, don't let me forget those unbelievable beautiful French/Polynesian topless women that snuggle on the crystalline bays and white sand beaches.

HOW TO GET THERE & WHEN TO GO

Getting to Tahiti is as easy as going to Hawaii...in fact if you take Hawaiian Air, you can make a stop in Hawaii on your round trip ticket. The other major airlines that fly to Papeete are Air France, AOM (a new French air line that used to be called Minerve), and Air New Zealand.

The two French airlines actually fly a Paris - New York - Los Angeles - Tahiti route, and of these my favorite is AOM. Not only is this airline about 10% cheaper but the service and thoughtfulness where more than expected. When I checked in at Los Angeles, the counter person (without asking) booked my girlfriend and I on a three seat window side and blocked out the middle seat so we could sleep better. Ask your travel agent to use a consolidator for a reduced fare or call Tahiti Vacations for their all-inclusive Tahiti Vacation rate (800-553-3477).

From Papeete, getting to Moorea is a lot more fun. Your choices are the air-taxi (small plane and ask to sit in the co-pilot seat) service that is provided by Air Tahiti and leaves every forty-five minutes, or the ferries ( catamarans) that leave the Papeete wharf every two hours. The boats are fast, comfortable, stable, and the preferred way to travel (once is a must). The cost is about $15.00 one way while the plane is about double. But remember, a taxi from the international airport (the inter-island terminal connection is next door, a ten minute walk) to the wharf (the ferry landing...15 miles from the airport) is about a $30 trip.

When returning from Moorea, to catch your flight home, it makes sense to use the shuttle plane -- just to avoid the over priced taxis, other wise you pay twice...ferry and cab!

As for when to go to Tahiti, I recommend shoulder season (from February to June) when the hotels offer big discounts but you must ask for them. This slow tourist period has its rainy moments, but it's the kind of rain that's romantic to walk in and, besides, if the sun was out every day you'd fry to a crisp.

This is also the perfect season to book the Wind Song...the ultimate 442 foot computer controlled sailing vessel. At this slow period they are known to discount their week cruise around the Society Islands as much as 33%. It leaves the Pappeete wharf every Saturday.

TRAVEL FACTS

NIGHT LIFE

Tahiti is not Bangkok, Manila, or even Chicago but there are a few interesting side shows. Papeete is the center of night life and as you move to the outer islands it gets quieter and quieter.

Blvd. Pomare, the main street in Papeete that faces the harbor, is where the action takes place on the island. Here are the French cafes for people watching, shops for tourists and locals, and a few off-beat naughty clubs that start late in the evening.

The Lido Club and The Piano Bar, on Rue des Ecoles (across from the ferry landing), offer strip-tease and flirting with some beautiful young Polynesian ladies, but don't come early...doors open at 10:00 P.M and dancing begins at midnight. Behind the Notre Dame Cathedral is the Le Galaxie Nightclub and Disco which prides itself on its New Orleans jazz atmosphere. Again it opens at 10:00 P.M.. but only Wed-Sat.

If you are into local color and want to watch beautiful young girls wiggle in directions you thought impossible try the Polynesian dance show performed by the exclusive group "Ia Ora Tahiti" Friday and Saturday evening at the Hyatt Regency. Most of the deluxe hotels have similar shows.

The most fun thing to do on Tahiti is actually just people watching while hanging out in an outdoor cafe for a few hours with a cup of coffee and letting the ocean breeze cool you off. There's really no better way to spend a relaxing evening. A bonus for single females are the many French soldiers who walk the promenade looking for anything that resembles romance or companionship. These men are lonely, bored, and curious about anything that moves.

WARNING


Papeete is notorious for its transvestites and in all honesty I couldn't tell the difference. Not only did they approach me with a hug (& squeeze you - - guess where?) but they offered my girlfriend the same exciting night game plan! If it looks too good to be true, it isn't true!

Moorea night life

The island of Moorea is much quieter. Night life is a long meal, a little guitar music by your pool and a good book. Yes, the action highlight of the day is lying on the many golden beaches that surround the island and making friends with one of the beautiful topless maidens. Remember the saying, "look, but you can't touch" -- you get the idea. Going topless on Moorea is about as natural as wearing basketball shoes to play basketball. So enjoy and get used to the stimulating views.

Try the Club Bali Hai on a Tuesday or Friday night for their 2 for 1 drink specials. This is one place everyone (locals and tourists) show up and maybe that beauty you talked to on the beach will be waiting for you. Good Luck.

********** FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP **********

As stated, French Polynesia is not paradise for the single male unless you are a voyeur! We suggest bringing your own female companion to enjoy those romantic evenings or wait for our next edition when we investigate the Philippines in depth. Our first issue covers the island of Luzon (Manila) and includes actual color photos of the girls who will try to get your "undividedî attention...a true single mans paradise.

WHERE TO STAY

On the island of Tahiti, you have two choices for accommodations:

Close to the airport is the fabulous Tahiti Beachcomber Parkroyal, closest hotel to the airport and the most expensive...$200.00 and up. A bonus at this hotel, besides its unique man made-beach, is its nudist pontoon center in its central (private) lagoon. Two other hotels located west of Papeete and close to the airport are the French owned Sofitel Maeva Beach and the traditional Tahiti Hotel... reminiscent of a South Sea village and moderately priced given its beach front location.

In town, you have one great choice, the charming old Hotel Royal Papeete. Here the accommodations are basic, but the location is perfect...across from the Wharf and in the center of the night life of Papeete. No beach or pool, but you can go to Moorea to play in the water, so enjoy the night life while you can.

My recommended choice for around Papeete is the Hyatt Regency. This is the old Tahara Hotel which was built by Pan American Airways twenty five years ago and now has been completely renovated. This hotel is unique for being built into the cliff and you have to take an elevator down to your room. Every room has an unobstructed view of Papeete (five miles east) and Moorea from your private balcony. Besides a lagoon-sized pool with waterfalls and water slides, a black sand beach that you get to by taking a jungle lined stairway, and the most picturesque restaurants on the island, there is a huge public park adjacent to the hotel for running, tennis or just relaxing. For in town shopping there is a free shuttle schedule to Papeete; be sure to make a reservation at the front desk.

Your choices on Moorea are more hedonistic:

The bay (lagoon choice) in which Captain Cook anchored in the 18th century is also called Cook's Bay and is where "Mutiny on the Bounty" was filmed. The shark-tooth shaped mountain of "Mouaroa" borders this spot and both the Bali Hai Hotel and its sister, the Club Bali Hai take advantage of the breathtaking location.

I prefer the latter -- more lagoon centered, a nice pool with waterfall on the lagoon, and every room or condo (a time-share resort with RCI) with a kitchen, which is useful because food is very expensive in Tahiti (potato chips $5.60, suntan lotion $32.00 - so bring your own coffee, cosmetics, batteries, film, etc.). Besides Rose, the friendliest manager I ever met, this is where the Wind Song lands its passengers (talk yourself on board for a tour) and the hotel even has a free daily sunset cruise on its catamaran. Across the street is the only Mexican restaurant (Tom & Fred's Cantina) in Tahiti... sooner or later you'll get tired of French cooking (including the price).

If you're a beach bum the choices are numerous . Closest to the ferry dock from Tahiti is the magnificent and very expensive ($200.00 ++) Sofitel Ia Ora Hotel. The rooms are deluxe thatched bungalows spread around a park-like seaside plantation. The closer you get to their topless beach, the more expensive the rooms get.

The other deluxe choice is the Moorea Beachcomber, located beach front and on the opposite side of the island. This choice location is close to the newly remolded Club Mediterranee and has a main building overlooking the sea in case you don't like bungalow accommodations.

My choice for value ( around $100.00, depending on how well you can bargain) is the Moorea Village Hotel, which has kitchen bungalows, an oceanfront pool, peaceful restaurant and an offshore motu (little island) where you can take it all off...I swam to this island for my morning exercise. You can also rent a boat or walk in the shallow water to the topless beaches of Club Med, but if you get caught a nasty guard will kick you out.

MONEY SAVER


If you take the ferry to Moorea, by-pass the taxi stand and head to the local transport " Le Bus" and ask the driver to stop at your hotel. You'll save $25 dollars. At the airports there is no choice -- it's a taxi monopoly.

WHAT THEY FORGOT TO TELL YOU

What your travel agency, airline or hotel reservations didn't tell you is that hotel check in is at 3:00 P.M. and most international flights land at 6:00 A.M.

Some hotels will try to charge you an extra day for early check-in...don't do it. Your options are: demand an early check in when making reservations, plan for a cheap hotel for the first night (your cab driver will know where to go), or plan your first day for shopping downtown, or pack a bathing suit in your carry-on and lay around your hotel pool until your room is ready. Just keep making dirty faces as you continuously ask the front desk if your room is ready yet.

WHAT TO SEE AND DO

Tahiti island is for recouping from your plane flight, a little sight-seeing, and some shopping. The most popular tour is the Circle Island Tour (about forty dollars), which is actually recommended because a one-day rental car can cost over $100.00. The tour takes you to Venus Point, next to the historic Matavai Bay, then to Arahoho blowhole (not as good as the one in Hawaii), off to the fascinating Botanical Gardens and Paul Gaugin Museum.

The best is saved for after lunch, when you're taken to the Marraa Grottos where you'll see overhead springs drip through a ceiling of ferns into a cool cave formed by the sea. Along the pathway is the famous giant elephant ear plants. If you're staying at the Hyatt, ask to be dropped off in town and do your shopping and take a late (free) shuttle back to your hotel. This avoids that ridiculous expensive cab ride.

As for shopping, Tahiti is very expensive, but there are some unusual items to consider. The most exquisite is the famous Tahiti cultured black pearl which is the island's single biggest export.

More in line with my budget is the Tahitian " Pareo," that brightly colored wrap-around material which is considered Tahiti's national garment. This material can be used for men, women, children and there is no limit to the variety of designs and the mixture of colors.

The best place to do your shopping is "Vaima" -- Papeete's biggest downtown shopping center with some 80 stores located in the heart of the city and covering an entire square block back from the waterfront promenade. Here is also the Club Med office and a good time to check on specials for the week if this kind of vacation is your style.

Activities on Moorea are more laid back. Since there is only one road circling the island, I suggest a car for a few days (Albert Rent a Car offers a four day special...a new jeep for about $50.00 a day).

Organized tours through your hotel can take up your entire vacation time and include:

Forget all these expensive additions -- rent a jeep and do it on your own.

Just stop when you see a magnificent beach (or topless maiden) or explore a back mountain road that leads to who knows where. The best part of Moorea are the dazzling views and so there is no better way to do it than on your own!

If you get bored, there are the other windward islands to explore. Highly recommended is the extraordinary island of Bora Bora. This island, a few hours away by small plane, is surrounded by several off-shore "motus" while the inside is protected by a glimmering necklace of coral. The lagoon is known as the world's most picturesque. There is an 18 mile partially paved road that circles the island...perfect for exploring. If island hopping is your thing, I recommend an Air Tahiti air pass, which cuts the price by 50% for island exploring. An unplanned trip to Bora Bora from Moorea can cost as much as a one-way ticket to the states...more than $300.00!

*********** BRUCE'S INSIDE TIPS ************

  1. When ordering meals remember bread, butter, and water are free...everything else is a-la-carte. A simple salad can be $10.00, so order wisely. NO tipping. Try the meal trucks called "Roulottes" to eat with the locals. A great way to make new friends and taste some interesting local food. My favorite...the delicious French Crepes!
  2. Stores close at 6.00 P.M. Shop early to avoid the heat.
  3. Tahiti Tourisime is located on the Papeete waterfront and is open Monday through Saturday, 7.30 A.M. to 5 P.M. They have maps, hotel listings, and specials advertising bulletin boards for discounts and events.
  4. Most shops will take dollars and give a good rate of exchange.
  5. Given the opportunity try a "Tama'ara'a" - a real Tahitian earth oven meal... tasteful and interesting.

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